Still trusting in Jesus

With heavy and hopeful hearts, we update you on our adoption. On Tuesday, our appointment with the doctor showed that everything was ready with my body for the babies to be but in, so they scheduled the embryos to be transferred on Friday at noon. We were so excited!

After two wonderful days with friends who lovingly drove from SCV to San Diego to spend time with us, we went to the doctor. The doctors thawed the embryos Friday morning before we came in for the appointment. Once there, the embryologist came in to the room and told us things are "not what we like to see." He showed us a picture of our three sweet babies (magnified my a microscope). Two of the 3 showed no signs of life. The picture showed that all 4 of each of their cells (that were alive before they were frozen) were ruptured/destroyed in the freezing/thawing process. Basically, freezing them killed them. The third embryo had one living cell intact. In that cell contains the DNA blueprint to make that little one into a big person, but the doctors said they've only seen an embryo with 2 surviving cells grow and live to term. Chris and I mourned the loss of our children before they even put them in. The doctors did put all 3 in because they said, "It won't hurt."

Needless to say, we are broken-hearted and grieving the loss of our children. Through the intense pain an sorrow we cling to our hope in Christ whose character hasn't changed based on any of these circumstances. He is still good, loving, sovereign, merciful, gracious, trustworthy, holy, blameless, and His will is still what will bring us good and Him glory.

As we were in the office, we did a lot of praying and weeping. As Chris sobbed, he said, "I want God's will...I want Him to use us in this to be a voice for the Lord and for these unborn babies...but I, selfishly, want to just hold them and kiss them and be their Dad." That's my heart exactly.

So what does this mean for us now?
*We still trust in God...come what may. We know that we serve a big God who raised people from the dead, made man from dust, and made all of Creation just by saying a word. He can do anything!!! We still wrestle with fear and doubt that arises when we look at the medical possibility of this one little baby with one cell of life actually being able to survive verses looking to what we know to be true of God and His power. I pray, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief."
*Until we know that this child/children did not implant for sure (which we will get the results of in 2 weeks), we continue with the required bed rest, pills and shots prescribed to keep my body equipped for them.
*Continue to pray for us...it's going to be a long few weeks.
*Please discourage anyone you know who is considering IVF...NOT to freeze their children. They probably have no idea that it can potentially kill their children.
*Please encourage anyone you know who has frozen embryos they are not planning to give birth to, give them up for a chance of life through the Snowflakes embryo adoption program (don't let them be tempted to kill them for "science" as Obama says is noble and good).
*Know that we love you very much and thank you for taking this journey with us. At any time and with anyone, you can share our story to be used to further the gospel and the hope that we have in Jesus.
*We know this world is not our home and the time here passes as fast as a vapor; we are here to bring glory to our Savior as we joyfully obey Him.
*We are thankful that when we ask according to His will...He DOES hear our prayers! He has not and does not ever fail us!

If it's His will that none of these children survive, are we willing financially, physically, and emotionally to do this again?
*Yes...probably July or later...but we will hold out for a family that is only a few hours away by car because Chris will not have anymore vacation time to make a trip like this again.

What are some praises we have even now?
*We have been truly blessed by the love shown to us be family and friends and those faithful believers who have been praying for us.
*We have had wonderful times with the kids on "vacation" and really are so fortunate to have friends willing to sacrifice time to drive all the way to SD to spend time with us. We have WONDERFUL friends!
*We have had lots of time with Chris' family and the kids are eating it up!!!
*We have JOY knowing the we have obeyed God's calling for our family and are so thankful that He's brought us this far.
*We are thankful that He's used us to share how good He is and how precious life is...even from the very beginning.
*We know, without a doubt, that every event along this journey has grown our faith, our marriage and our appreciation for our children.
*God is so good!