Baby Picture

Since God may or may not have intended for us to see the faces of these little ones, I wanted to share with you the very precious picture of our three babies (frozen for 6 years, three days past conception). I wanted you to see this picture so you can see that they are real little ones who were once alive and growing. If you look at the three, you will notice that the one on the bottom right has a distinct circle in it; that is the one live cell. The other cells in that embryo (and the other two embryos) are dark and have no distinct circle (indicating the cell is intact). The doctor says they show no signs of life.

Though I trust that our mighty God can do anything He wills (no matter what the odds or the circumstances say), I have truly been gearing myself up for the fact that it may not be the Lord's will for us to parent any of these children. I have been counting down the days to get an official pregnancy test at the doctor to tell me that I'm not pregnant so I can grieve and keep moving on. I have been just anticipating a negative pregnancy test. These days since the transfer have dragged on so slowly. One minute I'm just praying that God would help me handle the sadness of losing these children while the next minute I'm asking God to forgive me for not trusting His strength and awesome power. For me, it is much easier to accept God's will once I know it, but it's REALLY hard for me in the waiting time. I am reminded that I need to focus on what is true and trust Him While I'm Waiting.

All that said, I have this weird feeling that implantation occurred yesterday morning. After having a few kids, I have become more aware of my body. With both of my children, I had distinct, mild cramping and light spotting with implantation. I experience the same thing yesterday. Part of the reason I expected not to be pregnant is that I had not experienced that already (like I was supposed to). Anyway, I am guessing that, since the baby was sent back to square one (only one cell), that it was pushed back on the timeline a few days to. I asked the nurse if it is possible that implantation could occur 11 days after transfer. She said that it seems too late, but you never know. Well, Friday we have a blood test to check to see if I'm pregnant. The HcG in the blood should be detectable, even if implantation was yesterday. Keep praying.

***As a side note, I am exhausted at home with the kids. Abigail is getting sick, back-to-back, with fever and runny nose. She is also teething and the most difficult she's been since birth (though I do have to say that I still think she's been one of the easiest babies God ever made). Isaac is a little more difficult too because he is working towards being "thumb-free." He is doing his best not to suck his thumb while he goes to sleep. He has great will power and obeys, but now it's VERY difficult for him to sleep. It takes a long time at night and he often spends the entire nap time in his room in his bed taking, wining, crying and taking every opportunity to go potty (even if only a "drop"...literally). Needless to say, if he misses a nap, the day is not so fun! Pray that I'd be patient, compassionate and understanding with my kids and that this would pass quickly.