The Long, Still Swim

So, I was on track to becoming a “runner” (pun intended). I was running an average of 20-25 miles per week and took 3 classes at the gym in addition to that. I had a routine that included all that was healthy for me…strength training, cardio and good variety. Of course a lot of what I was doing was high-impact, but I am young. The only ones who need to watch out for that are people my parents’ age, right? Wrong!

On Tuesday morning, ten minutes in to my 5:30am class, I landed a jump and felt something explode in the ball of my left foot nearest my big toe. I tried to push through it, but the pain was unbearable. I started to cry. I took my stuff and walked right out of class (a class I know 90% of the people in and have been attending for years).

So, without an MRI, my guess is that I have a stress fracture. Running out! Walking painful and slow. Shoes horrible.

So what now? Saturday mornings are my day to rise early and run 10-13 miles (usually watching Law & Order, Fresh Prince or something on TLC…we don’t have TV at home so watching something while I run is a big treat). At a loss, I got out the swimsuit and said to myself, “Well, there is the pool.” That, in and of itself, is humbling. I hate being in a swimsuit and I cannot swim. I mean, I will not drown if I fall off of a boat, but I cannot “swim.”

I mustered my courage and went in. I committed to one hour of laps…whatever that meant. In the lanes next to me were two people who had goggles and good form doing freestyle. I did what I could to make it back and forth across the pool without putting my face in the water. I even got out the kick board and noodle at moments and tried to see if they would help me get to the other side. I discovered that the drag in the water was even causing discomfort in my right toe/foot.

While I swam on my back doing frog kicks, staring at the ceiling, trying not to crash into the lane line or the wall, I had a lot of time to reflect and pray (which is not what I usually do while laughing at Will and Carlton). In my go, go, go life and attitude, I really stuggle with just being still. Even if I sit for a moment, I am going through a check list of what I need to get done. I am rarely in the moment.

Today, I was still. God showed me a lot, lap after lap. I know that I love control. I know that I am generally prideful. I know that I like to be the best and don’t like doing things I don’t do well. I am pretty intense and can take things to an extreme. As I was more and more still before the Lord, I saw that the desire I had to stay healthy for my family and for the Lord, has turned into more about something for me. I wanted to run to be fit to keep up with the kids, but I would often be so tired after my long runs that I would be too tired to really give my full energy to them the rest of the day. I was getting up so early so often to look good for my hubby that I was exhausted when he got home from work at night. The intension started right, but had turned upside down. This whole experience has already made me desire to just be healthy again. I miss being able to walk, run up the slides with my kids, push a loaded cart at Costco or just clean the house or make dinner without pain.

For whatever reason this happened, and for however long it lasts, I will praise Him who is in control of all things. I am thankful for all the days I have walked without pain, for all the miles run, for the day-to-day activities I could do without realizing it. I know that every perfect gift is from above. I am thankful for humbling times that remind me of my own weaknesses and His strength. May God get the glory for all that I am and all that I have! May I live to serve Him with all of my strengths…and weaknesses.

"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

Psalm 46:10